It Is Well...Even Now

I seemed to skate through the first 11 days home in America with only a couple graceful emotional pitfalls. Much of my time was taken up unpacking, telling African stories, being hostess to one of my favorite "guests"-my sister, or being sick...very, very sick with the flu.
Today is day 11 and I am wrecked.  I long for the community I had, the Jesus I saw, the joy that flowed from believers hearts, the simple life, the songs of praise, the humbleness I touched and absence of everything we think in America that will make us full that just robs us of experiencing true joy.
I'm tired of people saying they understand...because unless you were Holly, Patrick or Hugh I don't think you do understand exactly what I'm feeling.  In all this, it is WELL with my soul.  I know and trust that I will go back to Africa at exactly the right time.
To add to my sorrow of not being in Africa I will admit my heart is feeling very heavy over this child I feel like we have some how lost from Ethiopia.  I trust in God's sovereign plan and I want to rely on his provision. He knows my desires.
And in all this I say, "It is well, with my soul"  I don't like how much I miss Africa, but it is WELL.  I can't wait for the day I return but in the here and now, it is WELL.  Only God knows how our family will grow and he will hold my heart until I can hold another child because HE is good and faithful and no matter what comes our way, it is WELL.

{Queen and myself with the headband I made for her}

Our Future Part 1

In the past few weeks our family's plans have changed drastically.  One thing I can say with confidence though is that I feel like we are following God's plan for our family-even right now when it does not really make sense.  I feel a strange peace in all that is going on...and I'm a little hesitant to share our story with the world in totality just yet because I am still very emotional about everything-even though I know we are doing what is right.

So, for those of you who are not aware of the adoption process in Ethiopia, right now it is a little bumpy.  Adoptions are being slowed down drastically so that they can be done in a more detailed manner.  The government want to make sure they are being ethical about adoptions and adopting out only true orphans or children who were given up willingly, not just taken to an orphanage by some family member when in reality the mom or dad might be looking for them.  This is respectable...it of course makes me sad for the orphans who do have to sit and wait for families longer when they truly need homes but I like that they are being handled with care.  Finding this out was discouraging to us for a few reasons I won't share right now...then, we had some issues with our agency that were just kind of the straw that broke the camels back.  So, one night last week I had this confirmation that we were not supposed to use the agency we were going with, and that Ethiopia was not the place we are supposed to adopt from.  I wondered why would God have had us walk down this path if it was going to end like this.  Why did we "waist" a year, hours and hours of paperwork, doctors appointments and lots of waiting for what seems like nothing.  Then, as I was getting my hair cut and talking to my hair dresser she spelled everything out for me.  She said, "You had to walk down that path.  If you had not pursued adopting from Ethiopia you would not have been doing research on Ethiopian adoption blogs and you would have not seen the video that was the catalyst for Sole Hope."  Oh.  My.  Gosh!  She was right. 

At this point we are not pursuing an adoption through Ethiopia.  I still love that country and maybe one day we will have a child from there.  At this point we feel drawn toward doing and independent adoption from either Zambia or Uganda.  We have had several doors open for us and we are just praying for the right timing on everything.

If I had my way I would adopt this sweet boy below...

I've told you about Maybin in a previous post.  He has stolen my heart!  We were connected instantly and I knew there was something different about this kid.  He wants to be a doctor when he grows up and is literally thirsty for knowledge.  He is a double orphan and cares for his grandmother who is in her 70s.  When Maybin's grandmother dies he will have no one.  Literally no one.  He knows that he has our family now.  We are his distant adoptive family and he knows that we are here for him if he ever needs anything.  

(Maybin's grandmother, Madilina)

There are other big decisions that we are making right now that will come up at a later date and time.  :)  Sorry to leave ya hanging!  

Sole Hope Africa Trip

A picture is worth a thousand words! Here are some photographs from our trip last week.

A Lot

(A photograph from Zambia...fitting this little girl with shoes)

There is a lot going on here in the Collie house-a lot of changes and heavy decisions being made.  I might be MIA for a couple of days while I process all that is going on.  To add to the chaos my sister is in town (YAY) and I have the flu.  Fun (sick) times!

Broken

(A. and Quinn after A. ran her first 5K with me!)

Tonight I have old feelings rushing back.  Feelings I could never talk about or blog about-because I was under strict confidentially.  Tonight I will not disclose everything I am thinking or feeling, because I respect  this sweet girl in my life-but I just have to say, after much talking tonight my heart is just broken as it was every single night for over two years...just by the life of this one child.  Then, I stop and wonder how broken the Lord must be over me...when I think I know they way, when I don't rely on Him...and when I am just being me- the only way I know how to be. In all my sinfulness and yuck he sees me and still loves me.  Tonight I feel that for someone... the love of Christ that only He can give me.  I don't want anything in return.  Our previous daughter through foster care, who we will call A. is a sweet soul.  I got the joy of being her mom (as much as I could be that time in her life) and I had the privilege of helping her walk through tough life situations.  Tonight we talked... but this time I can't help... I can't do anything really, except get on my knees for her before her Father and beg for Him to watch over her, protect her and PLEASE God let her experience you one day!

(Visiting A. about a year after she'd gone home)

I reached out my hand tonight and once again had it turned down...but this is not about me, so I have to be okay with that.  My heart is just breaking.  I spent the last two weeks with children who will do anything for education, a job and family.  It is so different here in America.  Tonight the feelings of helplessness, surrender, sadness and brokenness rush back.  Tonight I will pray as hard as I have for two years for a miracle.  I'm expecting a miracle and I can't wait to tell you about it some day.

(A. used to help me on photo sessions for Eden Photography when she lived with us.)

If I Only Had One Thousand Words...

If I only had one thousand words I might be able to explain to you the last two weeks of my life.  The problem is, my heart has a thousand recollections that leave me speechless.
It has been about two weeks; two weeks for me to gather my thoughts about the one of the deepest experiences of my life.  How do I explain what it feels like to have my heart go walking outside of my body?  How do I gather the words that will paint a picture of pure bliss in the midst of poverty, hurt and pain?  My experience in Africa was taken in this time in a very personal way.  My heart was touched deeply, dare I say, deeper than ever before.  I experienced more highs and lows in the past two weeks than I have in the past eight months.  Leaving my family in Asheville while I venture off into the unknown, on a trip I knew would make my heart set sail has been beyond hard.  I grew closer to three of my friends from Asheville that accompanied me than I ever thought I would.  I grew to love five "strangers" in Uganda that I now call, with all sincerity, my family.  I watched God do miracle after miracle and prepare the way for the greatness he has in store for Sole Hope.  I experienced his favor and mercy in great ways.  I witnessed the hard work and resiliency of over 100 Sole Hope workers in Zambia and Uganda.  I saw hearts changed and lives moved, including my own.

Our trip began with Uganda.  We stayed in a village about an hour from much civilization.  The family that hosted us, George and Christie are now our Ugandan family.  Their three boys Zziwa, Moses and Brian I now call my brothers.  We all stayed in a small house constructed of hand made bricks and filled with love.  We had no electricity or running water-and it was still wonderful.  For a week I bathed out of a bucket of boiled water that had been fetched by Moses and Zziwa.  (Well, let me be honest, I only bathed once that week-it seemed very unnecessary)  :)  To get food for dinner was an all day affair,  we were blessed to have Hugh-a team member who is a wonderful and creative cook.

 We taught shoe making until the sun went down and were blessed to be in the presence of such devoted and loving people.  Our week ended too quickly and it was time to move on to Zambia.  Tears rolled down our faces and large part of our heart was left behind.

Patrick and Hugh prayed for our trip every single night, and several times a day.  Here they stopped and said a prayer as we were just a few blocks away from the riots due to elections.  In the midst of chaos we were kept safe.

My travel buddy and sistah, Holly. 

Our next stop was Ndola, Zambia.  We were greeted with a thunderous welcome from the Wiphan ladies.  My heart was overflowing with joy and excitement as I watched the ladies display their thankfulness in their song, dance and shouts of joy!  I remembered why I love it there so much, the people are amazing!  We taught shoe making in Zambia, just as we had done in Uganda, only we had about 4 times the ladies!  We were blown away and very nervous at how everything would work out.  But wouldn't you know, God didn't give us anything we could not handle...in fact, we did not just "handle" the teaching-but we were overjoyed to see the excitement and ownership that was taken with shoe making, just as in Uganda!  Lives were changed and soles were touched for His name and for His glory.

One of my favorite experiences from being in Zambia, besides being with our Zambian friends whom I love, was meeting a boy we now call our son.  If it was possible and beneficial I would bring this child home.  This boys name is Maybin...he is as smart as a whip and wants to be a doctor.  Joy and love radiated from Maybin's face...he is an angel sent to us by God.  Maybin cares for his grandmother who is 70+ years old.  He is a double orphan due to his dad dying when he was born, and his mother dying when he was in the 4th grade.  He lives in a little mud hut in a very dangerous neighborhood laden with thieves and witchcraft.  Maybin and our family will be connected forever.  We are putting him through secondary school and bought him a bike so he does not have to walk 10 miles to school every day like he has been.  Maybin and I wrote letters back and forth to one another every day while I was in Zambia, and in one letter he wrote, "I have prayed to God for you.  I prayed and fasted that God would bring me someone to care about me.  I have no one, but now I have you."  We are so blessed to have one another.

(Maybin on the left and my sweet friend Abby on the right)

In each place we visited I was amazed to see how Sole Hope grew...how many lives were touched and what hope was being displayed.  In a letter from Kunda in Zambia she wrote, 

PRECIOUS ASHER AND THE SOLE-HOPE TEAM,

Fondest love to sweet Asher, your family and the Sole - Hope team, in the precious name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  We have been praying for your safe flight and we trust that you arrived home safely. 

God, gives the best and every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord!  WIPHAN - LADIES AND I, will never cease to thank God

Wiphan and you cant imagine the JOY, HOPE AND EXCITEMENT you have left in the lives of the poor widows at Wiphan!!   SHOE-MAKING, has come at the right time and it IS WIPHAN'S DREAM COME TRUE!!!. A million, million thanks for loving us and for the time you spent with us, we are very very grateful and God richly, richly bless you so very very much.  Shoe making has brought alot of hope in the lives of Wiphan ladies and their lives will never be the same.  We had a very wonderful time today with the ladies and all of them are DETERMINED TO WORK VERY HARD and I told them that working hard is what will make a difference in their lives. 

SWEET ASHER,. YOU   ARE   TO   US,  A  GOD-GIVEN   PRECIOUS   GIFT   AND   WE WILL FOREVER LIVE TO  THANK   GOD FOR YOU.

THE BIBLE ALSO SAYS THAT THE BLESSINGS OF THE LORD ADDETH NO SORROW AND THIS IS SO TRUE!!   YOU ARE SUCH A SPECIAL BLESSING TO US AND TO THE  ZAMBIAN WIDOWS AND ORPHANS. GOD HAS ALREADY STARTED USING YOU  HIGHLY  TO WIPE AWAY  THE TEARS OF MANY WIDOWS AND ORPHANS OF OUR COUNTRY, AND AS SOLE - HOPE TEAM, YOU  HAVE BROUGHT JOY, HAPPINESS, EXCITEMENT INTO OUR LIVES,  AND  THE LIVES OF SEVERAL WIDOWS AND ORPHANS OF NDOLA, A MILLION THANKS AND GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU.

ASHER AND SOLE -  HOPE TEAM, A MILLION THANKS FOR BEING SO SENSITIVE TO THE DESPERATE NEEDS OF THE WIDOWS AND ORPHANS AT WIPHAN AND A MILLION THANKS FOR MEETING MAYBIN'S SCHOOL REQUIREMENTS - GOD RICHLY, RICHLY BLESS YOU.  

A PEOPLE WHOSE FUTURE SEEMED SO DARK, ARE NOW ABLE TO SEE LIGHT OF HOPE AND A BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD OF THEM.

A PEOPLE, WHO WERE ONCE THROWN OUT AND ABANDONED BY ALL, NOW KNOW THAT GOD LOVES THEM VERY MUCH BECAUSE OF THE GREAT LOVE THAT HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO THEM BY YOU ASHER AND THE SOLE - HOPE TEAM!!  WE GREATLY, GREATLY APPRECIATE.

Asher, the ladies that you saw and taught how to make shoes, never had chance to go to school and the skill of shoe making has come as a BIG BLESSING!!.

  

Love you so very much sweet Asher and God richly bless you, your husband and children and the Sole -Hope team.  Bye for now and stay blessed.

TONNES AND TONNES OF LOVE,

Kunda for Wiphan.

I will write more as the days go by.  My heart needs to be able to process what I have experienced.  Thank you for your prayers, sentiments and comments.  They are left in the deepest part of my soul.